Something I notice is that advice articles for mental health often speak to adults about adult problems. But our kids often face the same challenges—especially these days and especially when it comes to anxiety.
So this isn’t my advice, per se, but rather distilled from a bunch of articles I’ve read. But it is mine in that as a teacher of a pack of highly sensitive, perfectionistic, creative kids…I know a little about dealing with kids and anxiety!
So here’s the advice, from parent/teacher to parents/teachers:
Give them accurate information
Kids know when we’re lying. And when we don’t give them full information, they go try to find it online or from their friends or siblings.
Yet parents are tempted, over and over, to withhold information from their children. Whether it’s how babies are made or the effects of illegal drugs, parents can be tempted to hope that by sticking their heads in the sand, they’ll save their kids some heartache.
But accurate information is the key to figuring out the root of anxiety. And kids of any age can handle accurate information that is offered in an age-appropriate manner. Telling your kids “don’t worry about it” isn’t really going to fly, whether the issue at hand is making babies, taking drugs, or a worldwide coronavirus epidemic.
If you haven’t done so, make a regular habit of having conversations (formal or informal, whichever works best in your family). Update your kids on what is happening and what’s being done. Make sure they trust you enough to go to you first for answers.
Let them know that they can’t think their way out of this
This is a classic situation for runaway anxiety: Fear in humans starts in our “lizard brain,” the deeper brain that we have little conscious control over. But the part of our brain that we think about as our “thinking” brain, the prefrontal cortex, is pretty darn egotistical. It thinks it can think us out of any problems we face.
But we can’t think ourselves out of fear of something that really is fearful and really is menacing us. We have to accept that this coronavirus is scary. For your kids, it’s the realest, scariest thing they’ve probably ever faced.
Help your kids accept that fear is part of this situation, but that trying to think ourselves out just sends us into a brain spin. If your kids were already prone to anxiety, you know what it’s like. They think and think and with each think get deeper into the spin of anxiety.
The only way out of this is forward, and the only way out of this without fear taking over our lives is to accept that this situation is fearful, but to focus on what is being done to fix it.
Give them a positive role to play
For a long time, American parents have operated on the premise that kids are better off not knowing about or taking part in the problems around them. We want to protect our kids, and modern day American life has given us the tools to do so.
But even in normal times, protecting our kids from everything does them a huge disservice. Remember a lifetime ago when we were preoccupied with helicopter parents? Well, we’re still helicoptering. We need to land that copter and find a way to include our kids.
Use whatever resources you have to give them a role to play, however small. Can they make videos for other kids? Can they sew masks? Can they help you choose a food kitchen to donate to?
It’s not pollyannaish to put a positive spin on this situation—it’s a survival mechanism.
I hope you are all weathering this as best you can, staying healthy, and enjoying more time with your children.
