I started a new online course for LGBTQ+ youth and their allies because I noticed that my queer students needed a place to congregate, learn about themselves, and be their full selves without fear. We’ll be learning about history, literature, film, health, mental health, and anything else that comes up during the semester.
Some of the parents in the course requested that I share some good LGBTQ+ resources for parents that will be accessible outside of Rainbow Room. I thought that was a great idea, so you can now access my LGBTQ+ Parenting Resources page on this site.
If you have just learned that you have a queer child, you may feel like this is a challenge you aren’t ready to face. But just like all parenting challenges, this is one that will strengthen your relationship with your child and help you grow as a person.
Here is some general advice if you are at the beginning of learning to parent your child. Much of this advice was given to me by others and has proven itself useful.
- Always remember that your child is still the same person. They may ask for new pronouns or surprise you in their choice of dates, but they are the person you love and nurture.
- Practice unconditional love. It’s so important that they feel that your love is not dependent on their pleasing you.
- Defer to your child in how they want to present themselves to the world. Some kids will want to be out and proud. Others will have their reasons for being more circumspect. Don’t out your own child.
- That said, you are your child’s advocate, and if your child sees you not advocating for them in one area, they will receive a clear message that you don’t support them. Make sure to politely and kindly remind people who misname or misgender your child. Make sure to stand up for your child when they are criticized for who they are.
- Recognize your child’s individuality and know that they need to make mistakes. I call this “I got your back” parenting—you don’t always have to be out front fixing things for them. Your child needs age-appropriate autonomy and privacy.
I hope the resources are helpful and that you feel positive about parenting your rainbow child!
