Below are a few resources for parents to get started with learning more about parenting LGBTQ+ kids.
But first, some perspective: Parenting your queer kid is in many ways a lot like parenting any child. You need to keep that delicate balance between being aware of your child’s needs, giving them enough independence, and coming in to support them when it’s necessary. In other words, it’s hard.
If your child or family is in immediate crisis, get help now: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
The world makes parenting queer kids harder than usual, though. First of all, there’s all the baggage that we bring from our own upbringing. Parents who were raised in queer-intolerant communities or faith traditions may have a harder or slower time adjusting.
Then there are all the people around us, from family to random people in a store, who want to tell us how to parent our children. Often the message is that something we did created the “problem,” or that the “problem” can somehow be fixed. But the problem is not with our children, and we need to remember that and make it clear to others.
And finally, there are the augmented fears that we all have about our children’s future. Will they experience discrimination? Will they remain mentally healthy? How will they find a life partner? Are they really sure about this? Parenting a queer child comes with worries that we probably didn’t anticipate.
You won’t be able to do it all right. But what you must do is try your best to be the parent they need you to be. And then forgive yourself when you never quite get there.
Resources for parents:
The Trevor Project:
Crisis help and advice directly for youth. Make sure that your child, when mature enough, has visited this website.
Basic background information:
Transgender Children & Youth: Understanding the Basics
Supporting Your Young Gender Non-Conforming Child
Glossary of Terms from the 519
A Guide to Gender Identity Terms from NPR
Parenting gender diverse children:
Supportive Parenting
Gender Spectrum Parenting Resources
Gender Spectrum Stories
LGBTQ: Understanding Sexual Orientation and Gender Identities (short video)
Resources to Support Gender-Diverse Young People from Seattle Children’s Hospital
To communicate with family and friends:
Talking to Grandparents and Other Adult Family Members
Sample Letters for Family and Friends
Physical and sexual health:
CATIE – a Canadian, queer friendly source for current sex ed resources
Resources to Support Gender-Affirming Medical Transition from Seattle Children’s Hospital
Mental health:
Getting Expert Support and Care for Gender-Expansive Children
Education:
Schools In Transition: A Guide for Supporting Transgender Students in K-12 Schools
The science of gender and sexual preference:
Stop Using Phony Science to Justify Transphobia
Stop calling it a choice: Biological factors drive homosexuality
Connecting with other parents and educators:
PFLAG
The Gender Spectrum Lounge
Organizations:
PFLAG provides support, information, and resources for LGBTQ+ people, their parents and families, and allies.
Gender Spectrum works to create gender sensitive and inclusive environments for all children and teens. [Direct link to parenting resources]
Resources for Students:
Online groups
- Kaleidoscope: Affirming support for LGBTQ+ young people and their families: https://www.kaleidoscopelgbtq.org/
Camps
- Camp Brave Trails https://www.bravetrails.org/
- Camp Aranu’tiq https://harborcamps.org/
Websites
- The Trevor Project https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
- Planned Parenthood https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/lgbtq and https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens
- Scarleteen https://www.scarleteen.com/
- Amaze https://amaze.org/
Books
- Let’s Talk About It by Erika Moen & Matthew Nolan
- Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg
- Doing It by Hannah Witton
- @allbodieshealth
- @thesexed
- @salty.world
