On Moral Fiction

I have a book, pages yellowed and stiff as if I’d been born much earlier than I was actually born, that my brother gave me when I graduated from college. He inscribed the front page, which is why I know when he gave it to me. Otherwise, I’d have to depend on my memory, which is a bit stiff and yellow about the edges, too.

The book is John Gardner’s On Moral Fiction. I don’t know if anyone reads Gardner much anymore. I know that men of a certain age, who were already stiff and yellow about the edges when they were my writing professors, loved John Gardner. I never had much use for his fiction, which seemed to be speaking to an audience much older and male than I was, but I did like this book. And I was touched that my brother would give it to me as I finished school and was about to embark on my life of art.

Fast-forward a few years, and my brother is in advertising, and I’m a homeschooling mom, but the book hasn’t lost its relevance. I skimmed it and found that my young self had helpfully underlined all sorts of important bits. Amazingly, they sound just as important to me now as they did then.

Gardner wrote, “Nothing could be more obvious, it seems to me, than that art should be moral and that the first business of criticism, at least some of the time, should be to judge works of literature (or painting or even music) on grounds of the production’s moral worth.”

He goes on to say a lot of things, but the main point I took from his argument, and have held onto ever since, is that whether you try to or not, any time you create a work of art you are making a moral statement. So since it’s unavoidable, you might as well think about what moral statement you’re making, just in case it turns out you’re making a statement that you don’t really want to stand behind.

This comes up now because my kids and I have spent the last two years – the time in which both kids have been homeschooling – listening to lots of audiobooks together in the car. When my son was in school, it was too hard to share books because his sister and I would want to listen while he was in school. But then our lives coincided a bit more and it became a project of sorts. We have listened to three series that I think Gardner would have had strong opinions about, had he lived to read them.

First, we listened to all of Harry Potter in the space of a few months. It was an interesting exercise – HP started to invade my thoughts about everything. It is clearly a series that has a lot of compelling content. But in the end, after all that build-up, I felt like we experienced an enormous group shrug. OK, well, good thing it’s over now so we can listen to something else.

It’s not that we didn’t enjoy it – we all did. But in the end, it seemed like there was so little to sink our teeth into. Harry, as a friend of mine pointed out, really didn’t “grow” that much as a character. He started out pretty good, he stayed pretty good, then in the end his goodness triumphed over evil, just as predicted.

It wasn’t an immoral tale, certainly. But I was left wondering, Does HP give us anything to aspire to? Have we learned anything? Do we feel better equipped to face the challenges of our lives? The answer was that resounding group shrug. It was a good tale, worth listening to, and I don’t think it damaged us to listen to it. But if Gardner is right, HP’s ambivalence is a statement in itself, a message where one was not really defined.

The second series we got into started simply because we found out that the author had published the first novel as a homeschooled teen. That sounded interesting, so we decided to check it out. The series, Inheritance, is all the rage with young teens I know. It certainly was a gripping tale, full of swashbuckling fighters, glorious dragons, lithe elves, and Icelandic-style scenery as a backdrop. Our hero, Eragon, is a farmboy who becomes a sort of accidental hero after he finds a dragon egg. Eragon has to grow immensely into this role. Nothing is ever easy for him. (Believe me – by the 50th time you read that Eragon felt some part of his body give way as he did some amazing deed… you get the point that he’s suffering!)

We were stymied in finishing the series, however, because I refused to buy the audiobook and the last book had a long waiting list at the library. So while we waited, we started on our third series, which we’re just finishing. This series, Tiffany Aching by Terry Pratchett, has a lot of surface similarities to Inheritance: made-up land, lots of magic, fairy folk. There the similarities end, however. Pratchett is a master writer with a slew of adult novels under his belt. His books not only feature a sly, intelligent humor that makes you sure this man knows what he’s doing—they are also firmly grounded in a moral universe of Pratchett’s making.

We finished Inheritance because we’d come so far and we needed to know how it ended. By the end, we were referring to it as “Blood and Guts” due to the enormous amount of violent imagery. The author would often pause to have his hero bemoan the amount of violence he was required to engage in—a nod toward morality—but then again he would rise up to drive his sword through an endless parade of bodies, telling us in gory detail about the sinews snapping, the fluids draining, the surprised looks on the doomed faces.

The other thing that hit me wrong about the series was indicated by the name: This series of books is all about how you can’t change your destiny. You are who you are, you are fated to be swordsman or victim, and you play your part no matter what. In the end, Eragon has learned many things, but the biggest lesson he’s learned is that none of his struggles changed anything. He’s on the white ship sailing off to his destiny.

I have to say that I found this a repugnant message to give young readers. As Gardner said, whether you mean to teach a lesson or not, what you choose to put into your fiction teaches a lesson. And the lesson learned from Eragon’s travails is that some of us are just born with great drama, and it doesn’t matter what we do to the little people on our rampage across history.

It’s so interesting that the end of Inheritance was sandwiched in between visits with Tiffany Aching. Tiffany is also a farm girl who gets caught up in something much bigger. But on every step of her journey, Tiffany pauses to think. She notices how her actions affect people. She makes decisions, and she takes responsibility for her decisions when they hurt other people.

The first three books are largely free of any gross violence. The fourth, I Shall Wear Midnight, starts with a shocking scene. A 13-year-old girl is beaten so viciously by her father that she loses the baby she’s carrying. Plenty for me to cringe at as the book opened and we listened in the car. However, by then I trusted Terry Pratchett, and he has not violated that trust. He is a writer who wields his pen with great assurance. There is no ambivalence about right and wrong, no sense that there’s no reason to fight, never a suggestion that someone can’t grow into being something more than they are today.

My kids had probably never heard anything so personally, horribly violent as they did at the beginning of Pratchett’s final book in the series. Nothing in HP or Inheritance was so personal and true to life. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get into discussions about just how and why a 13-year-old gets pregnant! But I don’t regret letting them listen to it. By the end of the book, Tiffany has unraveled the mess, not to make it perfect, but to make it as good as she can.

And that’s why she’s good, and why she’s moral, and why, if I wanted my kids to emulate any of the many people we’ve gotten to know in the last year—Harry, Ron, Hermione, Eragon, Arya, Roran, Rob Anything, or even Slightly Bigger Than Wee Jock Jock (gotta read Pratchett to understand!)—my vote is for Tiffany. She’s a hardworking, imperfect, thoughtful person. She’s not always nice, because she knows that nice is not always the most important thing.

But she is moral, as are her books.

My yearly lecture: cover up!

OK, it’s official. Although the equinox is not happening for some time yet, it’s summer in California. We even had a lovely, sunny day on Memorial Day! Knowing that the rest of California would be on our beach, dropping their garbage, smoking their cigarettes, and running into each other with their boogie boards, we chose to go down in the woods. It was lovely, warm, and free of distractions.

A beautiful Memorial Day in the creek. We were largely in the shade, and some of us had more success in keeping our pants on than others...

Our play was largely in the shade, but this was probably a day that lots of kids got their first sunburn of the season. Many of us who are parents now remember a time when it was considered somewhat “fun” to get your “first sunburn.” You showed off how red you were, exclaimed about how it was peeling, and watched hopefully for a tan underneath. If you’re as pale as I am, that tan never materialized, but you hoped nonetheless.

We know better now, or we should. Sunburns in childhood are one of the top risk factors for developing skin cancer later in life. However, it’s hard to think of our kids as 40-year-olds with jobs, mortgages, kids of their own, and out of control skin cells eating up their bodies. And it’s even harder for our kids to take seriously a risk the consequences of which don’t kick in for many years to come.

The risk, however, is real and deadly. And there are only three known ways of avoiding or minimizing the risk if you live in a place that gets strong sunshine:

1) Don’t go out in the sun

This is highly impractical, especially for those of us who live in places where the sun shines even in winter. And besides, being out in nature is so good for us! But we can limit our time in direct sunlight in the middle of the day.

2) Use sunscreen

It’s becoming common for purveyors of sketchy science to point out that sunscreens may cause cancer, but the fact is, people aren’t dying of using sunscreen too much; they’re dying of not using it. Yes, of course, you could damage yourself with too much sunscreen the same way you can damage yourself with too much broccoli, but you’d have to try really hard. And don’t get me started about so-called “natural” sunscreens. Either they’re not really natural at all (there is nothing natural about micronized zinc!), or they’re ineffective folk remedies (sure people in China might think that dousing your kid in tea protects the skin, but you don’t see the FDA approving green tea as a sunscreen). Sunscreen is not natural, but it does help shield our skin against some of the worst of the sun’s damage.

3) Cover up

There was an article in the New York Times today about the increasing popularity of sunscreen-infused clothing, laundry detergent, and shampoo. Weird. A plain old tightly woven shirt will do the job. A hat with a big brim (no baseball caps!) is a must. Swim shirts with long sleeves are best, but those with short sleeves will at least protect the most vulnerable spots.

I was talking recently with a woman with brown skin and freckles, and she told me that she’d never thought of wearing sunscreen before she’d read about her risk factors. Everyone, even people with brown skin, should be aware of the risks and be minimally able to spot unusual growths on their skin. Though brown-skinned people get skin cancer much less often, they die of it much more often because they are likely to ignore unusual spots.

So there’s my yearly lecture. Go out and enjoy the sunshine, but don’t celebrate the first sunburn of the season. Try to make this year the one when there are no sunburns to celebrate or regret.

Abyss, the darkling beetle

One of the cool things about homeschooling is that you can incorporate your life into your learning… and your learning into your life. This is a case of the first instance. My nine-year-old daughter insisted on picking up a large black beetle when we were hiking at Pogonip and bringing it back with us. She has always enjoyed keeping bugs captive and studying their behavior. This one, however, has worked out more longterm – she’s survived 5 weeks. We’ve all come to have quite an affection for the little creature, who eats oats, does tricks like walking a tightrope (though not on command), and seems to enjoy crawling all over my daughter’s arm.

Following is the “assignment” my daughter completed based on Abyss and research she did. Note that I didn’t have to “assign” this at all – I made a suggestion that she could do something with the research she’d done on Abyss, and this is what she came up with. It was the perfect homeschooling moment.

The Life of Abyss, the Darkling Beetle

Abyss
Abyss

Hello, my name is Abyss. I am a female darkling beetle. I was born in a grassy, rocky area of California called Pogonip. That was the place that I lived for a very long time, and there my story begins.

I am currently a larva, or wireworm. I hatched from an egg a day or two ago that my mother laid. It took me about 18 days to hatch. It was uncomfortable in the egg—I was all curled up.

I wriggle and squiggle underground where I have burrowed. I know that my time soon will come where I will turn into a pupa, which is my resting stage. I wait a few more weeks underground, and soon I start to transform. It happened suddenly to me one day when I woke up. It was kind of scary and I couldn’t move anymore. I had a hard shell-like thing where my head should be and it was very uncomfortable.

The life cycle of a darkling beetle

 

I wait like this for a few weeks. One day I feel that I might able to move again. I try. I come out of the awful shell I was in, except I’m not a larva! I’m a darkling beetle. I walk up above ground, and stare at the sun. It seems like a long time ago that I stared at the sun when I first hatched. I’m currently white, and I have wings except when I try to flap them, they’re all fused together. I can’t open them. I try every day of my life to open these wings, but they’ll never open. I guess they’ll just stay fused together.

Some of my friends and some of my brothers and sisters are also out there. They are also white and their wings are also fused together. We play for a while, then we grow bored.

In a couple of days’ time I have turned brown. I start having to forage for my own wild grains, grass, and other things like that. A couple days later I am completely black with a hard shell covering my back. I am about 2 centimeters long.

Hikers at Pogonip pass me and one nearly squashes me. I crawl out of the way just in time. One day, one particular large group of hikers appears. One of them notices me. It picks me up. I am brought back along the trail to a place I have never been before. There are lots of big gigantic metallic looking things, and some of them pull away and move. The person that found me walks over to one of these. So do some of the hikers it is with.

The thing starts moving. After a while it stops. It waits a few minutes. It starts again. After that it stops again except it doesn’t move. The door next to me opens. The person that found me walks out. It takes me into a strange, gigantic room and puts me in a jar. There is nothing to do in the jar. I try to escape but the walls are smooth and they are also clear.

Soon the person that found me returns with some forest bedding. It gives it to me. I find a particularly crunchy piece of forest matter and start working on it. In a few minutes, I am taken out of my jar and put in a new gigantic jar. This one has things to do in it. It’s a whole playground. It’s also got forest matter. I crunch on the forest matter.

A couple of days later I get back into one of those strange metallic things. I go to another strange place. [Editor’s note: She went to be shared at our homeschool program.] I have been there for a couple of hours when the top opens. Someone sticks their finger into it. On their finger is a grain. It looks like some of the wild grains that I used to eat when I was at Pogonip. I eat half of it before it is taken back out. I had already finished eating as much as my little teeny tiny tummy could hold, so I wasn’t very mad. Soon I get back into the first strange room. I had taken one of those metallic things again.

Soon I’ve been fed more of that strange, yummy grain. I eat most of it. About a week passed. I was taken out of my playground and put in a container again. Another different container, I’ve never seen this one before.

I try to get out like I did the first time I was put in that jar. It takes about a minute. Then I’m taken out and put back into my nice, cozy playground. They’ve taken out the forest matter. Maybe they’ve realized I’m not a foresty bug. I’ll eat the forest matter but that’s just because I had nothing else to eat. Now, it’s only got oats. They look like the wild oats I used to eat.

I go and play on the seesaw. I go and hang out there a few minutes.

That is the end of my story. That’s where I am right now.

Abyss
Parents know nothing: When my daughter wanted to buy this "bug playground," I figured it would sit in her closet. She loves it, and so does Abyss.

Daddy’s little genius

There has been a small rash of these news stories recently: Kid gets extremely high score on IQ test, applies and gets into Mensa. Parents rush to news outlets to make sure Precious Petunia gets her 15 minutes of fame.

I shouldn’t be so mean, but it really makes me feel mean. These aren’t 15-year-old whiz kids who are looking for fame. This is a 4-year-old who likes Barbies and Legos, or a 3-year-old who likes to play with water and test tubes.

There are many aspects of these stories that I have no problem with. I have no problem with parents wanting to get their kids IQ-tested if they feel that they will get meaningful information from the test. A lot of parents choose to IQ test because aspects of their kids’ learning confuse them, or because they suspect that their kids have learning problems that are masked by their ability to compensate in other ways. Other parents get their kids IQ-tested because they don’t really believe that their kid has special learning needs, and they need the number to make it real to them. Other parents get their kids tested because they have to in order to get into programs or to get services.

I also have no problem with parents pursuing opportunities—like Mensa—for their kids. There is a fine line between helping exceptional kids thrive and pushing them to bolster the parents’ egos, but I try to assume the best about parents. Through experience, I’ve learned to give the parents the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. So I do that, and I assume that families choose to apply to Mensa because they think that there will be some genuine benefit to their kids.

However, a few aspects of these stories give me big problems: First of all, entering your preschooler into a media circus just because you like the flashing lights and fun music. No preschooler needs to be the subject of an article in national news. Preschoolers need a sandbox to play in. They need adults who talk to them seriously about things they care about. They need small and fuzzy things (living or not) to love. They need really excellent stories told to them by adults both orally and through books. They need the opportunity to follow their passions and they need to feel safe and cared for. But they do not need to be the focus of adults who do not know them, do not love them, and do not care about what the attention will mean to them as they grow older.

Secondly, families who push their preschoolers into the spotlight totally miss the point about what IQ means. I do not believe, as it is fashionable in some circles these days, that IQ is totally meaningless. Anyone who has spent time with people on different sides of the IQ spectrum know that it is something that makes people different. Saying that IQ is meaningless is like saying that no one notices that one person has dark brown skin and another has light pink skin. Noticing the difference is not the problem; the problem is what you do once you notice. If we agree that all human beings are important, all human beings have potential, and all human beings should have their potential nurtured, then I think we’re all on the right path and there’s nothing wrong with noticing differences and trying to understand them.

What’s important to understand is that IQ is descriptive, not predictive. When you say that someone has a 130 IQ, you are describing the sorts of gymnastics that their brain is able to do. When you say that they have a 160 IQ, you are describing a person able to do very different gymnastics. Gifted education experts point out that someone with an IQ of 130 (very, very smart) differs from someone who has an IQ of 160 (profoundly gifted) as much as someone with an IQ of 100 (average) differs from someone with an IQ of 70 (developmentally disabled). IQ is a handy construction that allows us to quantify the level of gymnastics a brain can do, and the level and quality of stimulation a brain needs and is capable of handling. As a descriptive number, IQ can be helpful in some ways for working with some kids.

IQ, however, is not a prediction. It is not a skill. It is not a gift. And it is definitely not, as all of these articles erroneously say, “genius.” One of the most famous, longterm experiments in IQ and its predictive qualities was done at Stanford by Lewis Terman. Terman wanted to know how having a high IQ affects people in the longterm. So he tested lots of people and accepted only those with the top IQs into his program. He followed these people for many years, and came to a (for him) surprising conclusion: IQ is predictive of nothing. IQ does not predict success, in money or fame. IQ does not predict happiness, marriage stability, health, or longevity. People with the highest IQs are completely normal in all other ways.

So what does this mean about our cute little geniuses? Obviously, it means that the word “genius” is misapplied when it refers simply to IQ. Einstein was a genius, and did have a high IQ. But he was a genius because of what he did. Many others with his IQ lived and died in obscurity. Other geniuses became geniuses without the benefit of a super-high IQ. People call them geniuses because of what they did with their lives.

As a parent, my heart goes out to these little people who are so abused by our press. To be called a “genius” by Huffington Post when you’re 3 is no gift. It’s a curse. How can a child ever live up to such a start in life? When she starts to develop into the flawed and incomplete person she will become, will she suffer from the fear that she’s actually a fraud? How mortified will she be when she finds out she doesn’t know everything, and never will?

Here’s my advice to parents who find out that their preschooler has a “genius” IQ and want to make sure that they help their child reach his or her potential*:

  • Make sure they have plenty of time to play in the sandbox.
  • Make them feel safe and loved.
  • Tell them stories and give them excellent books to read.
  • Listen to their ideas and take them seriously.
  • Speak to them like they are people, and allow them to have opinions and make mistakes.
  • Make sure they have fuzzy things (living or not) to love and cuddle.
  • Try to open up opportunities so they can explore their passions.
  • Love them, and make sure they know that you’ll love them no matter whether they become geniuses, billionaires, happy, productive people, or anything else.

I know, this would make a very boring news article that would never get picked up by the Huffington Post. Trust Avant Parenting to give you the advice that’s guaranteed not to make your kid rich or famous…unless they work hard to get there on their own, regardless of the number they drew out of the IQ box.

*By the way, this is my advice to any parent, no matter what the IQ score, if any!

Family documentation

Recently my son was reminiscing about his imaginary friend. This friend had appeared around when my son was two. I noticed that my son was walking around with his hand raised and his thumb and forefinger together, as if he were carrying something very small. When I asked him what it was, he said it was his friend, Seiterent. This friend—and legions of cohorts—populated our household for years. They lived on an island. They ate sushi.

At that time, I took copious notes. I wrote in my kids’ baby books lots of the funny things they did and said, their interests, their skills. I kept a small notebook in our breakfast room that was called our “family lexicon.” It had all the weird and unusual words and phrases we came up with, years of imagination and mispronunciation.

My son was asking me if I had notes I could share with him, because he wanted to write about his imaginary friends. I do have many notes (if I can find them). Unfortunately, I only have a memory of the family lexicon. Somewhere in the time we had our kitchen remodeled, it went missing and never came back. That’s sad, though some of the words survive into our present family. “Insresting broccoli”—romanesco broccoli pronounced in my son’s own “interesting” way. “Dit,” my daughter’s name for her favorite craft item, tape.

But much of what happened in our lives then lives on only in what I managed to document. Things got very busy. When they were small, I took videos a lot. Sometimes I’d make a compilation of highlights of a whole day to send to their grandma. These days, I hardly make videos except at special occasions. In the past, I would write down every detail like I was sure I’d lose it all if I didn’t. These days, I’m resigned to losing a lot of it.

To a certain extent, I guess I expect them to be doing their own documentation. By the time I was their age I was well into writing in journals (all lost) and writing stories (some surviving). I took photos with my very high-tech Kodak disk camera. I started scrapbooking as a young adult and I have enormous books filled with stubs from concerts, photos of me and friends in exotic locales, and flyers for the band I was in.

But neither of my kids seems terribly interested in documentation. My son does like to write stories, but they are largely fictional, so they only document his imaginative world (which is still going strong). My daughter once fell in love with a cherry red notebook with big, deep pockets and asked me to buy it for her as a journal. She dutifully made one entry that day, two lines about something we did. The next entry is dated about a year later. Since then, I occasionally haul it out, but there has been no further interest on her part.

Besides this blog, which—of course—is edited for public consumption (and thus doesn’t contain any of the most personal or most embarrassing parts of our family life), where my documentation lies these days is in e-mail. I think about writing in my journal, but then I realize that I wrote a detailed account of something to a friend. I keep and archive all my e-mail, as well as all the photos I take, with the zeal which I once applied to scrapbooking. It’s not nearly as interesting to share with a friend on the couch, but much more searchable by date, sender, subject, or keyword.

Suki on her birth day
My mom swears that this is a photo of me, though all of us looked pretty much the same: bald, red-faced, wondering how we got into that cold hospital bassinet...

Sometimes I feel bad about how much I’ve let slide, but then I think back to my own baby book (which had only my name entered by my busy mom, who was pregnant again with twins before I was walking). At some point, I filled in some of the details, trailing behind her as she went about her household duties. “Mom, what time was I born?” “Um, well, it would probably be evening. Or morning. Yes, I think about 2 p.m.” “And how much did I weigh?” “Well, you all weighed just about average, I’d say six pounds or so.” “And why isn’t there a picture of me as a baby?” “Oh, I know I’ve got a beautiful one of you, somewhere…”

My mom and I did finally find that photo… long after I’d had kids of my own (and I am not completely sure it’s really me!). I guess this is one of those cases where I just have to figure my kids will survive my own inadequacies as I survived my mother’s. Perhaps my own instinct for documentation came from being the middle kid of five. My kids lack this instinct because I was doing it for them. But I can imagine them later planning to get together with me to go through all our digital archives, trying to find what we know is there… somewhere.

I just have to hope that the important stuff, whatever it turns out to be, will get through.

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