On moral violence

Our kids are immersed in violent and despairing media every day, and it’s affecting what they write and share with each other. From the earliest days of telling tales around the campfire, violence in the stories we tell has played an important role. But not all violence is the same.

The morality of violence is important for students and caring adults in their lives to consider when they want to address violence in writing that they share with others. As I tell my students: Write whatever you need to write. But share only what is appropriate for the context.

Below are some questions that I ask my students to consider before they share work with violent content.

What is the intent of the violence?

Appropriate reasons to use violence

Artwork courtesy of Destiny Blue

Some children writing violent stories have an honest need to explore the reasons behind human violence in an attempt to understand it. In that case, the violence in their writing will raise questions about where violence comes from and what we can do to address it.

Some children use violence to heighten the danger that their characters are in, to bring about a more satisfying conclusion when the protagonist is able to defeat the antagonist. As long as the violence is appropriate within the context, like in the Harry Potter series, this is also acceptable.

Some children use fiction to create parallels to real violence that they have read about and experienced. In this case, again, it is acceptable when they use their writing to try to understand the moral basis of human conflict.

Inappropriate reasons to use violence

Some children have not yet learned that violence in writing is not just a flavoring, like grinding pepper on their pasta. Their intent seems to be to shock and titillate their audience. The violence in their pieces is often couched in revenge fantasies. Usually the antagonist wins in these stories.

Even worse, in some of this writing the protagonist is the evil person doing the violence, and they suffer no repercussions for their acts. Sometimes there is a thin veneer of “the other guy had it coming” that is supposed to explain their characters’ evil deeds, but often the violence is simply there because the writer perceives it as fun or cool. In the words of a teen writer I work with:

“I think they are trying use their edginess to differentiate themselves from their more ‘square’ peers.”

In other words, they are trying to be “cool” kids. This is not an acceptable reason to share violent stories with other kids.

What is the context for the violence?

Appropriate contexts

Artwork courtesy of Destiny Blue

Human stories of struggle often feature some amount of violence. In these stories, an individual or group is subjected to an unfair or discriminatory situation in which they are victimized by a more powerful group.

The Hunger Games is a good example. Katniss is not a violent person and tries very hard to maintain her moral judgment. But the government’s actions force her into a situation in which she has to make the decision whether to kill other people. Although quite violent, this series is deeply moral.

Inappropriate contexts

An immorally violent story sets the violence up as the main attraction. There is no particular justification for it within the context of the story. We are to accept that this is just an evil world, filled with evil people, and so it’s going to be fun to read about them.

Although I can’t come up with a mainstream published example because I choose not to read that sort of literature, Internet memes are rife with this sort of inappropriate violence. One student in my classes shared a piece based on a meme in which the narrator speaks about how fun it is to kill people. There is no context that explains his behavior, and no consequences for it.

Violence without context is always received by readers as a celebration of violence.

What is the nature of the violence?

Children’s stories have been full of violence since the beginning of time. The witch attempts to bake Hansel and Gretel alive! But in no mainstream telling of this book do we get graphic descriptions of the raised bubbles that form on their hands as they resist being put into the hot oven, and the smell of…

OK, I think you get the point.

Violence for children should be largely implied

Artwork courtesy of daveneff-d35ix6m

A child who has been exposed to many violent images will visualize plenty of details that were left out of Hansel and Gretel. But a child who doesn’t have violent imagery in their head will take the violence at face value. The witch tried to bake them, but she failed. That’s all that the child needs to consider.

We do not need to put new violent images into children’s heads. The world is full of violent images that they already live with.

Violence for children should be countered with kindness

A story in which there is only violence is simply immoral and inappropriate to share with children. The story of humanity is the struggle against our worst impulses and toward our better ones. Every religion addresses this struggle and attempts to help believers with stories that show goodness as well as evil. Children’s literature, similarly, has always tried to impart a secular version of this moral view.

The same goes for what our children write to share with others. They need to balance violence in their writing so that they can train their own perspective away from anger and despair.

A Tale of Two Stories

Last year, students shared two stories in one week that couldn’t be more different. I will keep details of the stories private, but here is what they looked like:

Story #1: The “look at me I’m cool” revenge fantasy

In this story, a narrator whose situation is never defined hears voices telling them to kill others who wronged them. There is graphic description of a dead body. There is no reason to believe that the narrator is a decent person who is in a difficult situation. In fact, there’s no context at all. We just hear this narrator telling us about their anger and despair and expecting us to share in it.

End of story.

Story #2: The Jewish diaspora, with creatures

I have no idea whether my young writer knew that they were writing the story of Jews throughout history, but the parallels were striking. In the story, a person who belongs to a maligned race of creatures moves from village to village, attempting to find others like them and acceptance from general society.

There was some violence in the story, including one member of the group being put to death. But there was only one detail, no titillation, and clear understanding in the context of the story that this person’s killing was immoral and caused anguish to the others.

It was also clear to any reader that this story was an exploration of what happens when a minority group is misunderstood and maligned. This was written by a child, certainly, but a child who was grappling with what it means to be a decent person.

Violence can be moral

Children’s fiction without conflict is the Bob books. Dick and Jane. In other words, books that attempt to do nothing but teach reading skills. Real literature explores conflict, and conflict is uncomfortable.

Not all conflicts in children’s reading need to be violent. But there is a place for appropriate violence. I believe that reading Anne Frank’s diary and learning about World War II permanently shaped my view of moral behavior in societies.

I can hardly imagine this, but what if the book I had read was an unapologetic diary of a Nazi soldier who enjoyed killing people…written for children? Even if that soldier had been put to death in the end, the point of a book like that would have been to teach me to despair that humans can act in moral ways.

What can we do?

I’ll end where I started: I encourage my students to write everything in their heads. I encourage them to keep journals and explore their worst thoughts if it helps them.

But when we share our writing with others, we are making implicit moral choices and making explicit declarations of who we are as people. I encourage all parents to ask their kids these questions, and then listen to the answers.

Related:

2e: Twice Exceptional Movie Review

2e: Twice Exceptional is a low-budget documentary with heart. There’s nothing fancy about this peek into the lives of twice-exceptional teens, their parents, and their teachers.

But just the existence of this documentary is revolutionary enough.

2e?

The average reader’s first question is obvious: 2e? What’s that? I wrote a long discourse on the topic which you can access here. However, the short answer is that a twice-exceptional child is both gifted and has a disability. That disability could be physical, emotional, neurological. But no matter what the disability, the end result is that the disability often masks the giftedness.

There have been some movies made about 2e people without identifying them as such. The most prominent that comes to mind is My Left Foot, about a child so physically compromised, he couldn’t communicate what was happening in his very active brain. It is a dramatic and beautiful movie.

In contrast, this documentary focuses in on real, everyday teens fighting the battle between their intellect and the issues that compromise their ability to access education, communicate, and achieve. There’s not a lot of drama here, just a clear look at the hard work of supporting these students into adulthood.

What you’ll see

This one-hour documentary is long on direct interviews. Parents explain their journey from thinking they were raising typical kids to being plunged into the chaos of raising a child with special needs. Teachers talk about their experiences working with this difficult, but rewarding, population.

The focus, however, is on the kids themselves. And in this movie, they make a compelling argument for why we need more educational flexibility. Many of these students argue that without their 2e-dedicated school (Bridges Academy in Los Angeles), they would have been lost in a system not equipped to handle them.

The drama centers on Pi Day, when the students compete to memorize Pi to the furthest amount of digits. Punctuated with students struggling to perform the digits they have memorized, we hear from the students themselves about their challenges and their dreams.

Limits exposed

The limits of this documentary mirror our society as a whole. With its dense population and surfeit of wealthy donors, L.A. is the sort of place where such a school can exist. In most places, such as my county where our only school serving 2e students just closed, there is neither the large number of 2e students nor the concentration of wealth to support such a school.

The limits of this documentary point out the limits in our society as a whole. In most places in this country, a 2e student is lucky to get a couple of teachers throughout their school years who understand and connect with them. It’s hard enough for gifted students to find teachers trained in the special needs of giftedness. (Most teacher trainings do not require study of gifted learners.)

But most teachers have absolutely no training in how to serve the needs of gifted students with disabilities.

Awareness is key

Documentaries like this one can help by spreading awareness of these students’ existence, their great potential, and their educational needs. By the end of the movie, it’s clear how much these kids have to offer society. Many similar kids, spread around the world, are not receiving the support they need. They are languishing in special education programs that do not support their academic needs. They are bullied and emotionally harmed by fellow students and teachers in regular education. Their parents are told they need medication and therapy.

The teachers in the documentary make a strong case for an educational approach that is sadly rare in our society: instead of focusing on these students’ deficits, they focus on their strengths and interests. This is messy, complicated education. It’s expensive and the payoff is sometimes not obvious. It’s very hard to quantify.

But when you see these students move past their disabilities as they shine in their abilities, you can see that it’s all worth the trouble.

Learn more:

Visit the film’s homepage to learn more, join their email list, and find out about screenings.

“What do you have against the public school system?”

It’s the sort of question homeschoolers report receiving in stores, at the Thanksgiving dinner table, while pumping gas… In this case, it was in the hot tub at my health club.

He prefaced the question by explaining that public education “was sort of a family business,” with relatives working as teachers and administrators. When he found out that I teach homeschoolers, and homeschooled my own children, that question was his response.

What do I have against the public school system?

I can’t answer for all homeschoolers, but I can certainly answer for myself:

I have nothing against the public school system

My husband and I were both educated in fine public schools. We had planned to send our children to our neighborhood public schools, and tried very hard to do so. But a variety of issues got in our way.

Like America’s founders, I believe that a healthy, robust public school system is essential to our democracy. That said, public schools can’t do it all.

All public schools are not equal

Our first foray away from public school, I have to admit, had something to do with convenience and a lot to do with environment. Our local school’s kindergarten program, at the time we looked at it, was overcrowded and uninspired.

It also started at 7:42 in the morning, and I had a baby. Frankly, I didn’t want to have to get a sleepy child to school at 7:30.

I won’t apologize for what we did: We bought our older child a really cool year of climbing trees and playing in the mud at an experiential learning school on an old farm. It didn’t end up being the school for us long term, but at the time, its relaxed schedule and lack of kindergarten academics suited us just fine.

Later in our children’s school years we avoided our local public schools for other reasons. Our high school didn’t offer the college-level math, science, and computer science that one of my kids wanted. It didn’t offer a band program for my other student. Because we have the resources (and I understand that not everyone does) we chose homeschool for one of the kids and a different public high school for the other.

Not every public school is equipped to handle every child

When my younger child was in preschool, it became clear that we were facing some difficult developmental issues. No diagnosis seemed to fit. School environments exacerbated the problems. Everyone we consulted with had the same advice: avoid public school special education for this child.

First we tried a little private kindergarten in a cabin in the redwoods. That failed. Then we tried homeschool. That succeeded. Our public schools just weren’t set up for our child’s needs at that time.

Not every child is right for public school

When my older child joined us in homeschooling, it was because he was very advanced and self-motivated in some areas and completely uninterested in others. In school, he would have been a mediocre student. In homeschool, he was a star. Eventually, he caught up in his lagging areas and he’s now a successful college student.

In school, he’d been frustrated that he didn’t have time to follow his passions. Once he had that time, he was more willing to address other areas of learning in a more gentle fashion.

Not every family needs to follow the same path

Traditional public education emphasizes following standards. In all seriousness, an adult once asked me how my children were going to be able to be educated if they didn’t follow California public schools’ standard of studying the mission system in fourth grade.

Maybe you think the answer is obvious, but for that parent it wasn’t. The possibility that a family could study missions at a different age, or not study missions at all, didn’t occur to her. Lest that seem a bit ridiculous, it’s important to remember that standards weren’t based on how children actually learn. They were based on how children were traditionally taught. My children are now extremely well-educated, though neither of them studied missions in fourth grade or memorized their times tables in third.

(I will add that neither my husband nor I, both raised in other states, knew much about California missions until we moved here!)

And by the way, homeschoolers can attend public school

We did, in fact, use the public school system throughout our homeschooling years. In our county, we are fortunate to have a healthy slate of alternative public school options!

Freedom of choice is as American as the Constitution

Freedom of choice is firmly embedded in the founding of this country. Our founding documents inspired governments and revolutions around the world for a simple reason: Freedom of choice—control over your religion, your body, who you associate with, what you do for a living—is fundamentally important.

Of course we all support reasonable limits on choices. We don’t allow parents to abuse children, but we do allow reasonable discipline. We don’t allow murder, but we do allow doctors not to continue life-prolonging treatments. We shouldn’t allow educational neglect, but we do allow a certain amount of freedom of choice in how our children are educated.

Education is a balancing act

We start with a baby, and if we’re lucky, we send a fully functioning adult out into the world. But there are many ways to get from the beginning to the desired end result.

Homeschooling is just one way to balance our children’s needs with the opportunities available to us. Homeschooling is not for everyone, and it won’t solve all the world’s problems.

But the freedom to choose homeschooling improves children’s lives, and I believe it can strengthen our public schools as well.

More about homeschooling

What are your kids watching?

Do you know?

Do you know what your kids are reading?

Do you know who they are chatting with?

Do you know what the kids they are chatting with are watching and reading?

I’m not asking these questions because I think you’re a bad parent.

I’m not asking these questions because I think any parent can stay on top of everything their child does.

I’m asking these questions because I’m a teacher. Not only that but I’m a teacher of creative writing.

Lately, I’ve become a little concerned about your kids.

In one teaching year, I’ve had more conferences with students, notes to students’ parents, times when I’ve had to stop class and speak sternly…

Not more than other years. I’ve had more than I’ve ever had. Cumulative. My whole life.

This one school year, I have had more students referencing violent memes, more students taking part in destructive and deceptive communities, more students writing about violent fantasies.

It’s not just good, clean fun.

One student wrote a piece in which a murderer was interviewed by police while tied up, listening to other people in the police station being tortured.

Multiple students are ardent followers of quasi-religious online groups that take part in something akin to mass hysteria.

A student wrote a story based on a popular Internet meme about a child murderer and a sexual offender.

A group of students invented a world in which everyone had evil “dark sides,” and then their “dark sides” started attending classes with them, typing nasty things into the chat window.

Today, a few days after a mass murderer referenced a popular Internet meme while murdering people in a house of worship, one of my students referenced that meme in class.

It’s not just my online students.

I’ve asked around. Kids are coming to schools with all sorts of inappropriate materials. Kids are aware of things that you and I didn’t even know existed when we were that age.

It’s not ‘just stories’.

The stories we tell with our children important. Stories shape their worldview. Violence in children’s stories is not new. But despair and hopelessness in media for children is new. It’s harming our kids. It’s harming their psyches.

Have you checked out the most recent teen suicide statistics?

Have you considered what your child might be accessing that could lead them to despair?

I know this is harsh, but I’m worried about your kids. Humans have faced war, famine, volcanoes, mass migration, and drought. But I think the Internet is, perhaps, a bigger long term challenge to the health of the human race.

Your kids are great. Please take care of them. Please sit down and express interest in what they are doing online. Ask them what interests them. Be there for them to express their fears to.

And make sure they know that there is hope.

“I Am Jazz” Community Reading

This month Santa Cruz families will come together to read a book at the library. Yes, this happens all the time, but not with this book and this message.

“I am Jazz” was published in 2014, co-written by 14-year-old Jazz Jennings, a transgender activist whose life had been profiled in a television documentary. Although the book deals with Jazz’s life and challenges in a child-appropriate manner, it attracted the attention of anti-LGBTQ groups. After a group succeeded in forcing a Wisconsin school to cancel a reading, the community came together, packing 600 people into the public library for a reading.

Each year since that event, communities have hosted readings to foster awareness and acceptance of transgender children. Awareness of transgender people has increased since then—Jennings is now a popular YouTube personality—but the challenges of being transgender, and parenting a transgender child, have not gone away.

 

A more accepting world

“What I get from the book is how happy Jazz is to be affirmed,” says Michelle Brandt, one of the organizers of the event and the mother of a transgender man who came out at 15. “I see that comfort and joy about being yourself, and not having to hide, to be affirmed and seen.”

Psychologists confirm that affirmation of a child’s gender is the top thing that adults can do to alleviate the common problems exhibited by transgender children, including self-harm and suicidal ideation. Children whose families and communities use their gender of identification and a gender-appropriate name show fewer signs of psychological distress and have overall happier childhood experiences.

Introducing this book to the broader community, organizers say, is a way to create a more accepting world for their children.

“The book is a big deal to our family,” explains a mom of a young trans child. “I read it two years ago when my child was questioning her gender. It was like her coming-out book. It wasn’t until I read the book to her that she said, ‘That’s me, I’m a girl.’ It put language in a kid-friendly way to her lived experience and allowed her to feel comfortable claiming that she was transgender.”

 

A G-rated kids’ book

Brandt is the director of the TransFamily Support Group of Santa Cruz, one of the groups sponsoring the reading. She points out that kids already know their gender—families don’t have to fear taking their kids to this G-rated event about inclusion and acceptance.

“I’d like parents to leave with a broader understanding of gender as a spectrum and more comfort with having gender discussions with their kids,” Brandt explains.

Jamie Joy, Youth Program Coordinator at the Diversity Center of Santa Cruz, another sponsor of the event, also hopes that the event will draw parents from the broader community who don’t necessarily have transgender children.

“Talking about gender with young kids is so important because they are already receiving messages that reinforce harmful stereotypes,” Joy explains. “Books like “I am Jazz” are a great way to connect with kids and help them understand the beauty of diversity. The more we teach our youth about celebrating difference, the less violence and bullying there will be in our community.”

The emphasis at the reading will be on community and fun.

“We’ll talk about gender stereotypes, read family-friendly kids’ books, and do an interactive activity around gender,” Joy explains. “I want the parents to walk away knowing their kids can be who they want to be, or give them a little more freedom to not perpetuate the whole girls-have-to-wear-pink and boys-don’t-cry thing.”

 

Transition in place

The organizers point out that community support is the point of this gathering, and they are grateful for our public library’s willingness to host the event. Community support is of vital importance to trans children. Because of the typical arc of children’s understanding of their gender and parents’ comfort with transitions, most children don’t transition until after they’ve been in school. Without support from the adults around them, the result is often that children’s education gets disrupted.

“It’s more comfortable for kids to transition in place,” Brandt explains. “You’re the same person, and the only reason you’d have to leave your school is if you’re not being affirmed in your gender when you transition.”

Santa Cruz’s self-identity is of a liberal, accepting place, but even here it is common for trans kids to leave their current school environment when they transition due to lack of support by the adults and students around them.

 

Understanding is key

Although it can be uncomfortable for families with transgender or questioning kids to put themselves in the public eye, the event organizers believe that it’s necessary that at least some families ‘come out of the closet.’ The more our community understands the needs of transgender people, the more information and resources will be available.

Michelle Brandt points out that with more information, she would have known that she had a transgender boy when he was four, rather than the ‘tomboy’ she thought she was raising.

“I would have liked to have more information about the gender spectrum,” Brandt says. “I would have liked to have more information about what the options were for transition. You’re not on a path that is so predetermined as you think it is. With enough information, I could have had a conversation with him as a boy instead of ‘Isn’t that sweet, my gender nonconforming girl?’”

Above all, a public reading of “I Am Jazz” should help parents understand that supporting their children is not forcing change. Gender differences are a natural part of the spectrum of humanity, and affirming children’s gender identity will only make our society a safer, healthier place for everyone.

“The Diversity Center hopes to educate and support people of all ages and identities in understanding gender as a spectrum rather than a binary,” Jamie Joy explains. “We do this through community events as well as trainings and presentations. Please reach out to us if you want to learn more!”

 

Details:

National “I Am Jazz” Community Reading

Friday, December 7, 3:30-4:30 pm

Santa Cruz Public Libraries Downtown Branch

Second Floor Meeting Room

 

Resources:

  • Interested in more details about the scientific understanding of gender? Check out our companion article, “Gender is Not a Binary.”
  • The Transfamily Support Group of Santa Cruz has monthly meetings and a website of resources to support the families of transgender youth and adults. Find more information at http://www.transfamiliesca.org/
  • The Diversity Center of Santa Cruz County offers support and information for those on the gender spectrum and their families. Find more information at http://www.diversitycenter.org/
  • The Santa Cruz Public Libraries host a wide variety of community events. Find more information at https://www.santacruzpl.org/

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