Category: Culture

The saddest week

Posted on by Suki

I realize that events happen randomly, but it seems that sometimes there’s a spate of some type of event that really brings it into focus. Last week, it was the suicides of gay teens.

If you’ve missed the news, you can find it through Google. It’s heartbreaking and also somehow unsurprising. The details are often uncannily similar: A young person becomes so distraught that he takes his life, and often his friends and family had no indication that such an act was imminent.

There are people, however, who know what’s happening. They are the ones who are getting something — satisfaction? glee? power? status? — from torturing this person on the basis of his presumed sexual preference. With hardly an exception, they say that they didn’t know it was so bad. And that’s probably true. But yet, they did it, and unlike most of the not-so-nice things we may do in life, this one comes with rather final and unredeemable consequences.

I understand why in traditional societies, social control was exerted through restrictive belief systems. Just a couple of reasons: Procreation was necessary for a small group to prosper; people were more comfortable living closely with people they pretended were “just like them” (and made sure to shun or murder anyone who didn’t follow these rules).

But in modern-day America, there is simply no justification for caring about someone’s sexual preference – unless, of course, you are interested in interacting with that person sexually. We have set up a society where we can work together then go home to our own social groups, and we did this because the people who founded the country saw the consequences of having societies led by restrictive social rules. True, the restrictions they knew about were not the ones that many of us care about today, but they remained purposely vague in our Constitution. This country was clearly founded on the idea that people can get along without forcing each other to march to the same drummer. And most of the time we do that.

I chose to come out West because it felt like the right place for me. There are plenty of people here I don’t agree with, and we simply agree to disagree and then live our lives. It seems to me that we’re living the sort of life that the founders envisioned: we come together over government, but go to whatever church we wish to (or none at all), have whatever friends we want, and live our lives.

It makes me so tired that we have to keep having these arguments. No, it is just simply not OK in any sense to vilify people because of their sexual preferences. You’re uncomfortable? Fine. You don’t want him for a roommate? There are ways to fix that. He’s propositioning you and making you uncomfortable even after you asked him to stop? Again, lots of legal and humane ways to deal with that problem.

But badgering people, hounding them, exposing their intimate moments, calling them nasty names, beating them up… and all the other things these teens were subjected to are just un-American. We are a nation of differences, and anyone who doesn’t like that can just go find an oligarchy to hang out in. Don’t worry — we’ll let you back in once you’ve realized your mistake.

The thing that makes me saddest is that if these distraught people could have been able to see how many of us stand behind them and not behind their torturers, they might have felt they had other options. But when your principal makes excuses for them, everyone in your dorm treats them like the cool, popular kids, and sometimes even people who love you find it hard to say they accept you no matter what, it’s a little hard to see the big picture.

I think that all the parents out there reading these stories can learn a very important lesson: we must raise our children to be tolerant of differences. Tolerant doesn’t mean that we condone or personally accept those differences. We tolerate. Because that’s better than the other option. And those of us who do more than tolerate, who really just don’t care about those differences, can be very vocal to our children about this. We accept and support people being who they are. We accept and support our own children. We accept and support other children. We do our best to guarantee every teen safety, both physical and emotional, when s/he is at school or away at college. We guarantee them dignity.

I’m sad for the teens who are gone. I’m sad for their parents. And I’m also sad for the tormentors. This is a really hard way to learn a lesson, but we can only hope that they do learn. I’d love to see them, instead of slinking back to the locker room, dorm room, or homeroom, speaking out. I hope that something good could result from a mistake that they will never be able to fix.

That's the way they used to make them

Posted on by Suki

My husband decided that the perfect Labor Day outing for our family would be to a showing of the 1938 Errol Flynn/Olivia deHavilland version of Robin Hood. Our daughter is obsessed at the moment with knights and the middle ages, and our son says we never take him to movies. Perfect!

I was, to tell you the truth, expecting that the movie would be corny and dated, more of a giggle than entertainment. But besides some obvious flaws, it has aged extremely well.

Robin Hood: when tough men were allowed to be good
Robin Hood: when tough men were allowed to be good

The thing that really impressed me, though, is how much more directors used to respect their audiences. Now, I have to admit that I haven’t seen the latest Robin Hood (Russell Crowe), but here’s my prediction: First, very little will be left to imagination. The deaths will be gruesome, the acting will be hard-edged. Second, the actual history will be either implied or ignored. And third, the beautiful morality of the Robin Hood tale will give way to the action. (Click here to read the CommonSense Media review of the modern version, with their rating of IFFY for ages 13+.)

According to a review on IMDB, I’m not far off: “There is the theme of the idea of a king’s right to govern, but this is mostly an action, not a historical film about Medieval government.”

Things were so much different in 1938. Then, many movie-makers believed that part of their role was to inspire and teach their audiences. Robin Hood is full of easily digested history lessons, with the conflict between the Saxons (who have been in England long enough to feel themselves indigenous) and the Normans (relatively new conquerors from France) front and center.

Robin is declared Robin “Hood” almost as a joke — it’s clear to anyone watching that he is the moral player in this conflict. Marion comes over to his side gently, and not just because he’s a gorgeous hunk, but because he convinces her that might does not, in fact, make right. (In one of the inconsistencies of this old film, Flynn has the blue-eyed tall stature of the conqueror, while deHavilland is the dark-eyed beauty he might have found in a Saxon village… but no matter.)

It was so uplifting to watch a film in which people were allowed to be good. A man who could kill chooses not to. A woman who could stay in safety and marry a wealthy (and cruel) protector chooses to be loyal to a man who is about to be hung.

And not only are they allowed to be good, but they are allowed to experience joy. There is so much heartfelt laughter in this movie. This is one thing that really depresses me about movies lately: even movies for little kids are full of negative conflict, rather than the conflict borne of someone trying to be a positive force against conflict. No wonder our kids are depressed!

There is a lot of killing in the 1938 Robin Hood, and it is done comic-book style, with very little blood. There is some amount of laughing at people who have been gotten the best of. Small bits of 1938-style sexism. But I’d much rather my kids see a film like this than one in which bleakness is elevated to something to aspire to.

They’ve still got their teen years ahead of them, when I’m sure they’ll get plenty of angst to go around. For now, their laughter and inspiration was precious to me.

Talking about blogging

Posted on by Suki

Sunday I gave a workshop about blogging to a bunch of homeschool parents at the HSC Conference. About half of the people in the room already had blogs; the other half were thinking about it. Some really interesting questions came up regarding what a blog is, why you would do it, who is it for…

One parent was thinking about documenting her family’s long trip on a sailboat. This is a common reason to start a blog: You are doing something unusual or interesting, and you want to document what happened. I’ve seen blogs about interesting travels, unusual restaurants, or whatever passion someone has.

Some people who blog just do it for their friends, and their main goal is letting people know what’s going on in their lives.

Other bloggers have a profession that leads them to have “expert opinions” on some subject. (We have one of those at SantaCruzParent: Heddi’s Hands On Learning blog.)

Which leads me to wonder what my blog is about. I think I needed to come up with a new category: Random thoughts from someone who likes to type…? Outrageous opinions from someone who is happy to change her opinions at whim…? Professional advice from a professional, uh, … hm. Not sure where to go from there.

Well, anyway, it was a fun talk, and thanks to all the parents who showed up there to talk about blogging.

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In other news, summer has finally hit the Central Coast and I Am Hot. Which means that this blog entry has been on my screen for two days and hasn’t gone much further, so perhaps it’s time to hit “Publish” and move forward.

More when our natural air-conditioning comes back. Then, at least, I’ll have one thing to write about: grumbling about the fog!

On a cold and dreary day…

Posted on by Suki

OK, here’s what I want to know: Who stole my summer and when are they going to give it back?

As I mentioned in my last post, we go to the Cabrillo Festival every single year. And I remember many festivals, many afternoons of trying to stay out of the sun, getting to wear a new summer dress, needing my hat not only because I know that UV comes through clouds, too.

And I must preface this by saying that I’m no fog wimp. I actually like fog. I prefer living here on the coast where “God gave us air conditioning.” I like chilly evenings and walking on the beach on a cold, foggy morning.

But what gives this year? I read recently someone who said, the problem now is that you can’t even talk about the one traditionally safe topic — the weather — without getting into a political argument. But heck, I could do with a little coastal warming right now to go along with our global warming.

But despite the gloom, the cheer was out in force today at the festival downtown. I was a little dismayed yesterday to see that the street fair part of the festival was sparsely attended. Geez, I thought, you can’t get better than free music and some pretty good street food. But cancel that, today had the turnout of the century. The family concert was packed, every last seat. A few people sat in the aisles, and a few people brought their own seats (in the form of wheelchairs).

Fun was had by all, I’d say. The instrument petting zoo is always amusing, but the main attraction varies according to which composer is brought in each year. This year it was composer Nathaniel Stookey with a story by Lemony Snicket. My kids are actually not big Snicket fans, but I have to say that this was probably the best composed-for-children piece I’ve heard in a while. The composer not only composed bits to introduce the functions of the various sections of the orchestra without boring us, but he also theatrically read the story and got some really good belly laughs from the audience. (Perhaps more from the adults, who got some of the jokes, the best of which was a play on composer and decompose.)

(Watch The Composer is Dead on YouTube.)

Not bad for free.

And then the audience was once more disgorged into the gloom. Briefly, while I stood talking to another homeschooling mom while my daughter did free art in the children’s art area, the sun came out. We both looked up with the awe of an Alaskan who opens his curtains one morning in January to find the sun pouring down. Sun! we exclaimed. Then away it went, but the good cheer stayed.

I guess I may have to save my sun dress for Sacramento this year, darn it. But at least I got that charge of our community once again turning out in full glory to hear orchestral music, be wowed by Watsonville Taiko (including kids playing taiko this year, a real treat), do free art, and relax in the su- –I mean– gloom of yet another foggy day in Santa Cruz.

Cabrillo Festival offers more than just the avant garde

Posted on by Suki

I was inspired to write more on a topic from last week’s Santa Cruz Parent newsletter (if you’re in Santa Cruz, you’re a parent, and you don’t get it, you should — sign up here). It was a small feature about the Cabrillo Music Festival, which is a great local gem. I am a big fan, not only because I am actually into New Music (What’s that??) year-round, but because it’s such a great event for families.

Free family concert
Free family concert

As the article said, the Festival is an unusual event: All orchestral music, all by composers of our time, most of it never heard before, much of it by really truly young composers.

But that’s not why my kids care about it. They just think it’s fun!

There are three reasons why I think families — whether in Santa Cruz or within drivable distance — should make this festival part of their children’s lives.

First of all, there’s the street fair. This is an easy part of the festival to enjoy. You come to downtown Santa Cruz on a Saturday or Sunday, enjoy the open air music, the variety of food, the crafts, and the kids’ art area. The music, the crafts, and the art are free; the rest will empty your pocketbook if you don’t watch out. If you’re on a budget, bring a picnic! We always try to make sure we see Zunzun and Watsonville Taiko, and there are always other great musicians on the schedule.

Second, families are invited to the free family performance on Sunday, which is a real treat. (To go, you need to have a ticket, which is free. Either you can order tickets to paid performances and get tickets for the family concert sent as well, or you can walk up to the box office at the Civic Auditorium and get them free of charge. But do it before the day of the concert, because it pretty much always “sells out”!) This concert is truly geared toward kids, with a “petting zoo” of instruments (don’t think you’re just going to be sitting there — this is an interactive event), exciting musical selections that are short and dazzling, and usually a young conductor or composer in residence to make sure your kids know that classical music isn’t only fit for grey-hairs. Director Marin Alsop, a mom herself, makes this a really special event.

Third, and probably least well-known, are the open rehearsals. I take my kids every year. If you have a child who can refrain from screaming, you’re probably OK to go to the rehearsals. They’re pretty busy, with people going in and out, musicians playing, arriving, and leaving. The orchestra and Alsop are amazingly focused, running through bits of music and also entire pieces without much of a nod toward the audience. It’s a great learning experience for kids, whether they are studying an instrument or not. It’s such a revelation that huge groups of people can all work really hard on their own, then come together for a few weeks a year to do something amazingly complex and exciting.

If you have a teen, there’s another free event I’d recommend: The free “In the Works” concert on August 4 features music by young composers with young conductors leading the music. My almost-teen is interested in music composition, so of course we’ll be there, but even if your teen isn’t interested in composition, per se, it’s a great lesson in what can be done by young people who set their mind to something.

My blog’s name was influenced by my love of avant garde music, and I am thrilled to be in one of the centers of it, even though at the moment I am too busy with parenting to even think about writing music. (OK, I do still think about it, but composing requires long periods of silence, which I never get!) But even if you aren’t into New Music at all, this festival offers so much to entertain, dazzle, and excite the neurons in those little growing brains in your household.

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