Bad things happen. Life can be hard. Sometimes it seems as if all the news is bad, and everyone you know has a complaint.
First, let’s get this straight: Acknowledging challenges is not a problem.
In the past, kids were encouraged to pretend that everything was just fine. We had phrases like “suck it up” and “be a man” and “don’t rock the boat.” But our culture has changed. We now know that it’s good to express emotions. It’s good to fight against injustice. It’s good to point out when we’re going in the wrong direction. It’s healthy to seek support when we’re feeling bad.
But that’s not the same as focusing our attention exclusively on the negative.
Why do we focus on the negative?
The human brain is attracted to tragedy. If you want an example, just look at the news! There’s an old newspaper adage, “If it bleeds, it ledes.”
These days, we even have a word for news meant to attract rather than inform: clickbait. News that focuses on the negative gets more clicks. That’s why it feels like so many things are going wrong. When researchers look at actual numbers, life on earth is not all bad. But you wouldn’t know it from reading the news or talking to people who focus on the negative.
Focusing on the negative can be a big problem!
Research shows a clear advantage to having a positive attitude. Regardless of how hard the challenges they face are, people who have hope and believe in their own ability to do well…do better! In the most horrific circumstances you can imagine, people thrive when they believe that there’s a positive end to their struggles.
And that applies to much more ordinary circumstances, also. Students do better on tests when they are confident that they are prepared. Kids who believe that they have room for improvement are more likely to improve. People who believe in the general goodness of someone they have a conflict with are more likely to resolve that conflict.
But how can we be more positive when so much seems wrong?
We live in a culture that’s full of bad news, and you may have noticed that your friends and the adults in your life are focusing on it—a lot. But the good news is that it’s possible to change your attitude by changing your habits.
Here are a few suggestions for activities that you can try:
- Keep a daily thankfulness journal
What you are thankful for doesn’t have to be something big. I’m thankful right now that my kitty is sitting next to me while I type! Keeping a journal can help remind you of all the wonderful things around you. - Focus on solutions rather than problems
When you think only of the problem, you can do what some people call “going down the rabbit hole.” When you focus instead on possible ways to solve the problem, you’ll feel more positive energy. - Practice media hygiene—click to read more!
If you read news or use social media, be aware of how the media you access is affecting you. This means looking away from clickbait, following hopeful and solution-oriented news, and turning off the screen when it’s making you feel negative emotions. - Spread joy!
When you see something to be happy about, tell people. It’s amazing how just smiling at someone else and getting them to smile back can improve our outlook.
I hope these activities help you feel more positive. But if you feel negative emotions that you can’t control, please make sure to talk to a trusted adult in your life. We have learned that hiding your negative feelings can make them increase, so it’s important to share your feelings and get support.