{"id":144,"date":"2017-10-06T18:17:04","date_gmt":"2017-10-06T18:17:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/?p=144"},"modified":"2019-02-20T19:08:38","modified_gmt":"2019-02-20T19:08:38","slug":"reframing-your-way-through-hard-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/reframing-your-way-through-hard-times\/","title":{"rendered":"Reframing your way through hard times"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-soundcloud alignright wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-soundcloud wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Reframing Your Way Through Hard Times by Prof. Suki\" width=\"660\" height=\"400\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?visual=true&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F578566392&amp;show_artwork=true&amp;maxheight=990&amp;maxwidth=660\"><\/iframe>\n<\/div><figcaption>Click here to listen while you read!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You&#x2019;re studying a new topic in math that you just don&#x2019;t get.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You&#x2019;re fighting with your sibling about every little thing.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You did something embarrassing in front of other kids.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No matter what your specific situation is, I bet you&#x2019;ve had times when you hear bad thoughts in your head. And some of those times, you probably say things aloud:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#x201C;I&#x2019;m so stupid!&#x201D;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#x201C;He&#x2019;s an idiot!&#x201D;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#x201C;I hate them!&#x201D;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#x201C;It&#x2019;s not fair!&#x201D;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>All of us do it&#x2014;you&#x2019;re not alone! We react to a hard situation with negative thoughts and speech, and it just makes things worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What <em>really<\/em> happened?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><a href=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"183\" height=\"300\" src=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h-183x300.jpg\" alt=\"random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h\" class=\"wp-image-148\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h-183x300.jpg 183w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h-626x1024.jpg 626w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h.jpg 699w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 183px) 100vw, 183px\"\/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>There&#x2019;s a way out of this negativity, and the first step is to think about <em>what really happened<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Did you do badly on a math test because you&#x2019;re stupid, or did you do badly because you weren&#x2019;t prepared for it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is it all your sibling&#x2019;s fault, or are you part of it, too?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Did everyone in the world really stop and laugh at you, or did you just do something embarrassing that people are going to forget soon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Step back and think about it: is being angry, upset, or defiant helping the situation any?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Probably not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Smash that picture and paint a new one<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/itsbirdyart.deviantart.com\/art\/Demon-Cyborg-583700937\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"286\" height=\"300\" src=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix-e1507313087703-286x300.png\" alt=\"demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix\" class=\"wp-image-149\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix-e1507313087703-286x300.png 286w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix-e1507313087703.png 663w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 286px) 100vw, 286px\"\/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>The next thing to do is what psychologists call &#x201C;reframing.&#x201D; Yup, you&#x2019;re going to take that ugly picture in your head and smash it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then you&#x2019;re going to make a new one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This picture is still going to contain the thing that upsets you, but you&#x2019;re going to take the thing that happened and &#x201C;put a good spin&#x201D; on it. Start with this thought:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">If you win a million dollars, that means that billions of other people <em>didn&#x2019;t<\/em> win that million dollars!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Everything on earth can be painted &#x201C;good&#x201D; or &#x201C;bad&#x201D; if you want, but most things are a mixed bag. It all depends on how you look at it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So you&#x2019;re going to take your picture and paint it in a different light:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>I didn&#x2019;t do well on that math test because I wasn&#x2019;t prepared and it was a hard test. What are some things I can do to be better prepared next time?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>My sibling and I fight all the time, and I know that means that I am half of the problem. They are really different from me, and I can&#x2019;t change them, so what can I do to make things work a bit better in our house?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>I did a pretty embarrassing thing. Is it something that needs to be fixed (like, did I hurt someone&#x2019;s feelings and what can I do about that)? Is it something I just need to power through (like, did I act in a way that isn&#x2019;t like me, and from now on I&#x2019;ll show people what I&#x2019;m really like)? Is it something I can deflect with humor (&#x201C;Yup, it&#x2019;s true, my pants really did fall down while I was doing a presentation in class! Wasn&#x2019;t that ridiculous?&#x201D;)?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><a href=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"237\" src=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m-300x237.jpg\" alt=\"anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m\" class=\"wp-image-147\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m-300x237.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m-768x607.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\"\/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why not just be negative?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>It turns out that although being angry, resentful, sad, and frustrated can sort of &#x201C;feel good&#x201D; in the short term, it will hurt you in the long run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>If you want to avoid some of these things, here are some ideas.<\/strong> Think about whether you do these things, and how you can stop yourself next time:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Catastrophizing<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&#x2019;t make it out worse than it really is. It feels great in the short-term to think about <a class=\"glossaryLink\" aria-describedby=\"tt\" data-cmtooltip=\"&lt;div class=glossaryItemTitle&gt;catastrophe&lt;\/div&gt;&lt;div class=glossaryItemBody&gt;an event causing great and often sudden damage or suffering; a disaster&lt;\/div&gt;\" href=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/glossary\/catastrophe\/\" data-gt-translate-attributes='[{\"attribute\":\"data-cmtooltip\", \"format\":\"html\"}]' tabindex=\"0\" role=\"link\">catastrophe<\/a>, but it&#x2019;s harmful to your emotions in the longterm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Zooming in on the negative<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember that there are always multiple views on any event. Don&#x2019;t focus so much on the negative that you can&#x2019;t see the bright side at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">It&#x2019;s not fair!<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The perennial cry of the child! <em>It&#x2019;s not fair!<\/em> Well, if your parent has ever said, &#x201C;Life isn&#x2019;t fair&#x201D; to you, believe me that they are right. The question isn&#x2019;t whether it&#x2019;s fair; the question is, how are&#xA0;<em>you<\/em> going to deal with it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">I can&#x2019;t!<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The short version is this: Do you remember the kids&#x2019; book &#x201C;The Little Engine That Could&#x201D;? It turns out, if you have a positive <a class=\"glossaryLink\" aria-describedby=\"tt\" data-cmtooltip=\"&lt;div class=glossaryItemTitle&gt;mindset&lt;\/div&gt;&lt;div class=glossaryItemBody&gt;an attitude, disposition, or mood&amp;lt;br \/&amp;gt;Click for more info about this word&lt;\/div&gt;\" href=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/glossary\/mindset\/\" data-gt-translate-attributes='[{\"attribute\":\"data-cmtooltip\", \"format\":\"html\"}]' tabindex=\"0\" role=\"link\">mindset<\/a> about challenges you face, no matter what they are, you&#x2019;ll be more likely to succeed. [<a href=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/2017\/10\/12\/i-think-i-can-isnt-just-a-kids-story\/\">Read the longer version about why &#x201C;mindset&#x201D; is important<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.livinglanguage.com\/community\/discussion\/262\/what-is-gannbatte\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Ganbatte!&#xA0;&#x9811;&#x5F35;&#x3063;&#x3066;<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\">\n\n\n\n<p><em>I notice that lots of great pieces on learning and teaching are written for adults, but I hardly ever see them written for the people who need them&#x2014;kids! This piece was based on a piece for teachers. If you and your parent or teacher want to read more details, please visit &#x201C;<a href=\"https:\/\/ww2.kqed.org\/mindshift\/2017\/09\/11\/for-teens-knee-deep-in-negativity-reframing-thoughts-can-help\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">For Teens Knee-Deep In Negativity, Reframing Thoughts Can Help<\/a>.&#x201D;<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lots of us (kids and adults) go straight to negative thoughts when something bad happens. But there&rsquo;s a way you can work on this and it&rsquo;s called 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