{"id":144,"date":"2017-10-06T18:17:04","date_gmt":"2017-10-06T18:17:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/?p=144"},"modified":"2019-02-20T19:08:38","modified_gmt":"2019-02-20T19:08:38","slug":"reframing-your-way-through-hard-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/reframing-your-way-through-hard-times\/","title":{"rendered":"Reframing your way through hard times"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-soundcloud alignright wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-soundcloud wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Reframing Your Way Through Hard Times by Prof. Suki\" width=\"660\" height=\"400\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?visual=true&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F578566392&amp;show_artwork=true&amp;maxheight=990&amp;maxwidth=660\"><\/iframe>\n<\/div><figcaption>Click here to listen while you read!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You&rsquo;re studying a new topic in math that you just don&rsquo;t get.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You&rsquo;re fighting with your sibling about every little thing.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You did something embarrassing in front of other kids.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No matter what your specific situation is, I bet you&rsquo;ve had times when you hear bad thoughts in your head. And some of those times, you probably say things aloud:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m so stupid!&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;He&rsquo;s an idiot!&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;I hate them!&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s not fair!&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>All of us do it&mdash;you&rsquo;re not alone! We react to a hard situation with negative thoughts and speech, and it just makes things worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What <em>really<\/em> happened?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><a href=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"183\" height=\"300\" src=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h-183x300.jpg\" alt=\"random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h\" class=\"wp-image-148\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h-183x300.jpg 183w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h-626x1024.jpg 626w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/random_anime_gurl_by_daveneff-d38h99h.jpg 699w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 183px) 100vw, 183px\"\/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>There&rsquo;s a way out of this negativity, and the first step is to think about <em>what really happened<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Did you do badly on a math test because you&rsquo;re stupid, or did you do badly because you weren&rsquo;t prepared for it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is it all your sibling&rsquo;s fault, or are you part of it, too?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Did everyone in the world really stop and laugh at you, or did you just do something embarrassing that people are going to forget soon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Step back and think about it: is being angry, upset, or defiant helping the situation any?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Probably not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Smash that picture and paint a new one<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/itsbirdyart.deviantart.com\/art\/Demon-Cyborg-583700937\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"286\" height=\"300\" src=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix-e1507313087703-286x300.png\" alt=\"demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix\" class=\"wp-image-149\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix-e1507313087703-286x300.png 286w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/demon_cyborg_by_itsbirdyart-d9niqix-e1507313087703.png 663w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 286px) 100vw, 286px\"\/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>The next thing to do is what psychologists call &ldquo;reframing.&rdquo; Yup, you&rsquo;re going to take that ugly picture in your head and smash it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then you&rsquo;re going to make a new one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This picture is still going to contain the thing that upsets you, but you&rsquo;re going to take the thing that happened and &ldquo;put a good spin&rdquo; on it. Start with this thought:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">If you win a million dollars, that means that billions of other people <em>didn&rsquo;t<\/em> win that million dollars!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Everything on earth can be painted &ldquo;good&rdquo; or &ldquo;bad&rdquo; if you want, but most things are a mixed bag. It all depends on how you look at it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So you&rsquo;re going to take your picture and paint it in a different light:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>I didn&rsquo;t do well on that math test because I wasn&rsquo;t prepared and it was a hard test. What are some things I can do to be better prepared next time?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>My sibling and I fight all the time, and I know that means that I am half of the problem. They are really different from me, and I can&rsquo;t change them, so what can I do to make things work a bit better in our house?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>I did a pretty embarrassing thing. Is it something that needs to be fixed (like, did I hurt someone&rsquo;s feelings and what can I do about that)? Is it something I just need to power through (like, did I act in a way that isn&rsquo;t like me, and from now on I&rsquo;ll show people what I&rsquo;m really like)? Is it something I can deflect with humor (&ldquo;Yup, it&rsquo;s true, my pants really did fall down while I was doing a presentation in class! Wasn&rsquo;t that ridiculous?&rdquo;)?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><a href=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"237\" src=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m-300x237.jpg\" alt=\"anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m\" class=\"wp-image-147\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m-300x237.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m-768x607.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/anime_girl_in_gir_hoodie_by_daveneff-d35ix6m.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\"\/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why not just be negative?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>It turns out that although being angry, resentful, sad, and frustrated can sort of &ldquo;feel good&rdquo; in the short term, it will hurt you in the long run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>If you want to avoid some of these things, here are some ideas.<\/strong> Think about whether you do these things, and how you can stop yourself next time:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Catastrophizing<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&rsquo;t make it out worse than it really is. It feels great in the short-term to think about <a class=\"glossaryLink\" aria-describedby=\"tt\" data-cmtooltip=\"&lt;div class=glossaryItemTitle&gt;catastrophe&lt;\/div&gt;&lt;div class=glossaryItemBody&gt;an event causing great and often sudden damage or suffering; a disaster&lt;\/div&gt;\" href=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/glossary\/catastrophe\/\" data-gt-translate-attributes=\"[{&quot;attribute&quot;:&quot;data-cmtooltip&quot;, &quot;format&quot;:&quot;html&quot;}]\" tabindex=\"0\" role=\"link\">catastrophe<\/a>, but it&rsquo;s harmful to your emotions in the longterm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Zooming in on the negative<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember that there are always multiple views on any event. Don&rsquo;t focus so much on the negative that you can&rsquo;t see the bright side at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">It&rsquo;s not fair!<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The perennial cry of the child! <em>It&rsquo;s not fair!<\/em> Well, if your parent has ever said, &ldquo;Life isn&rsquo;t fair&rdquo; to you, believe me that they are right. The question isn&rsquo;t whether it&rsquo;s fair; the question is, how are&nbsp;<em>you<\/em> going to deal with it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">I can&rsquo;t!<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The short version is this: Do you remember the kids&rsquo; book &ldquo;The Little Engine That Could&rdquo;? It turns out, if you have a positive <a class=\"glossaryLink\" aria-describedby=\"tt\" data-cmtooltip=\"&lt;div class=glossaryItemTitle&gt;mindset&lt;\/div&gt;&lt;div class=glossaryItemBody&gt;an attitude, disposition, or mood&amp;lt;br \/&amp;gt;Click for more info about this word&lt;\/div&gt;\" href=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/glossary\/mindset\/\" data-gt-translate-attributes=\"[{&quot;attribute&quot;:&quot;data-cmtooltip&quot;, &quot;format&quot;:&quot;html&quot;}]\" tabindex=\"0\" role=\"link\">mindset<\/a> about challenges you face, no matter what they are, you&rsquo;ll be more likely to succeed. [<a href=\"http:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/2017\/10\/12\/i-think-i-can-isnt-just-a-kids-story\/\">Read the longer version about why &ldquo;mindset&rdquo; is important<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.livinglanguage.com\/community\/discussion\/262\/what-is-gannbatte\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Ganbatte!&nbsp;&#38929;&#24373;&#12387;&#12390;<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\">\n\n\n\n<p><em>I notice that lots of great pieces on learning and teaching are written for adults, but I hardly ever see them written for the people who need them&mdash;kids! This piece was based on a piece for teachers. If you and your parent or teacher want to read more details, please visit &ldquo;<a href=\"https:\/\/ww2.kqed.org\/mindshift\/2017\/09\/11\/for-teens-knee-deep-in-negativity-reframing-thoughts-can-help\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">For Teens Knee-Deep In Negativity, Reframing Thoughts Can Help<\/a>.&rdquo;<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lots of us (kids and adults) go straight to negative thoughts when something bad happens. But there&rsquo;s a way you can work on this and it&rsquo;s called &quot;reframing.&quot;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,3],"tags":[26,25,24],"series":[],"class_list":["post-144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-being-a-kid","category-the-brain","tag-friends","tag-parents","tag-psychology"],"aioseo_notices":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/KidsLearn-UseYourTools.jpg","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/ksqd-talks-music\/id1703111686","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"rss":{"key":"rss","url":"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/feed\/podcast","label":"RSS","class":"rss","icon":"rss.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/7DuOuT1jXWSctSexcdC97s","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"tunein":{"key":"tunein","url":"https:\/\/tunein.com\/radio\/KidsLearn-p3854634\/","label":"TuneIn","class":"tunein","icon":"tunein.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=mECGrb_UsoA&list=PLhcbiKBzJvJLnU2R4q1eSNuE_jBTCm6Iu","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/feed\/podcast\/kidslearn","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"C2D5RYIM6X\"><a href=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/reframing-your-way-through-hard-times\/\">Reframing your way through hard times<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/sukiwessling.com\/kidblog\/reframing-your-way-through-hard-times\/embed\/#?secret=C2D5RYIM6X\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Reframing your way through hard times&#8221; &#8212; KidsLearn\" data-secret=\"C2D5RYIM6X\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! 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