The other day I wrote about homeschooling tips you can use with your suddenly-at-home younger kids. Today I’m addressing your teens, who may have quite different needs.
Whether your teen is homeschooled or at school in regular life, things have changed. They are now home 24/7 and that can exacerbate existing tensions. Teens thrive with independence because that’s what they are programmed to seek. If your teen doesn’t seem too thrilled at your suggestion to play a board game with the family, well, that’s not too surprising.
Trust them
First, let’s get this over with: Teens who have their parents’ trust are more likely to trust their parents, more likely to confide in them, and more likely to heed their advice. Make it clear to your teen that you trust them. Don’t forget to tell them what you admire about them.
But then, be frank with them. Make sure they’ve been exposed to non-alarmist, fact-based information about what’s happening. Then make it clear that you trust them to do the right thing.
Let ’em out
A number of my teen students have told me that their parents are keeping them inside, and not, apparently, because that’s warranted. Find out what your local and state health departments are advising. Ours, both in my county and state, are advising that non-symptomatic people get out and get fresh air and exercise—as long as they follow social distancing rules.
This is especially important for your teens. Encourage them to get out in the natural light and get some exercise. It will be good for their emotional health as well as their physical health. If they absolutely must be inside, go back to the question of trust: Make sure they understand why they’re cooped up and what the parameters are.
Explore with them
Whether you are out or in, you can join your teen in their explorations. Maybe you can both learn a new skill, like bread-baking or chess. Maybe you can go to a park for a walk.
Ask your teen to show you funny videos. Do your hair together. Watch a show. They might reject you, but you can always try!
Support but don’t pressure them about academics
Chances are your teen’s academics are going to look a little different for the rest of the semester. Ask them what they need from you, but if you weren’t involved on a day-to-day level before, back off and give them some space. Remember: every single kid applying to college is going to have a story to tell about what happened this semester. A bad grade or an incomplete really won’t be the end. And it’s certainly not worth destroying your relationship over.
Love them
So many teens believe that their parents don’t love them. So many parents are convinced that their teens disdain them. In any case, we have to fight against that. Remind them that you love them, even as you let them have the independence that they seek.
Further reading: Nice article from Greater Good magazine
