Category: Parenting

Support your teen who is learning at home

Posted on by Suki

The other day I wrote about homeschooling tips you can use with your suddenly-at-home younger kids. Today I’m addressing your teens, who may have quite different needs.

Whether your teen is homeschooled or at school in regular life, things have changed. They are now home 24/7 and that can exacerbate existing tensions. Teens thrive with independence because that’s what they are programmed to seek. If your teen doesn’t seem too thrilled at your suggestion to play a board game with the family, well, that’s not too surprising.

Trust them

First, let’s get this over with: Teens who have their parents’ trust are more likely to trust their parents, more likely to confide in them, and more likely to heed their advice. Make it clear to your teen that you trust them. Don’t forget to tell them what you admire about them.

But then, be frank with them. Make sure they’ve been exposed to non-alarmist, fact-based information about what’s happening. Then make it clear that you trust them to do the right thing.

Let ’em out

A number of my teen students have told me that their parents are keeping them inside, and not, apparently, because that’s warranted. Find out what your local and state health departments are advising. Ours, both in my county and state, are advising that non-symptomatic people get out and get fresh air and exercise—as long as they follow social distancing rules.

This is especially important for your teens. Encourage them to get out in the natural light and get some exercise. It will be good for their emotional health as well as their physical health. If they absolutely must be inside, go back to the question of trust: Make sure they understand why they’re cooped up and what the parameters are.

Explore with them

My teen and I like to give ourselves facials. And I am definitely going to ask for a fun stripe of colored hair!

Whether you are out or in, you can join your teen in their explorations. Maybe you can both learn a new skill, like bread-baking or chess. Maybe you can go to a park for a walk.

Ask your teen to show you funny videos. Do your hair together. Watch a show. They might reject you, but you can always try!

Support but don’t pressure them about academics

Chances are your teen’s academics are going to look a little different for the rest of the semester. Ask them what they need from you, but if you weren’t involved on a day-to-day level before, back off and give them some space. Remember: every single kid applying to college is going to have a story to tell about what happened this semester. A bad grade or an incomplete really won’t be the end. And it’s certainly not worth destroying your relationship over.

Love them

So many teens believe that their parents don’t love them. So many parents are convinced that their teens disdain them. In any case, we have to fight against that. Remind them that you love them, even as you let them have the independence that they seek.

Further reading: Nice article from Greater Good magazine

Temporary homeschooling tips!

Posted on by Suki

12 years ago, I came home from my younger child’s kindergarten in distress. It was clear that his developmental issues were making it impossible for him to learn in a classroom setting.

I suddenly became the world’s most reluctant homeschooler.

That experience forced me to get creative—just like millions of parents around the US are suddenly being forced to get creative due to quarantines and school closures.

You may not be in a position to become a homeschooler full-time, but here are some tips for ways that you can keep your kids—and you—from going insane in the short term.

Cure your nature deficit

Have you heard of Nature Deficit Disorder? It’s a thing. It’s one of the underlying issues in modern kids’ behavioral problems. It’s easily curable:

Go outside. Outside is a great place to be during an epidemic, as long as your family has not been quarantined due to an active infection. And even if you don’t live near actual nature, a walk on city streets gets your kids out in the natural light.

Raining? Snowing? Humans are resilient. Our bodies do fine anywhere from the edge of the Arctic to the rainforest. Put on gear, go out, get muddy, get ridiculous.

Afraid of making too much laundry? What else do you have to do?

Gamify!

Kids’ brains are wired for learning and investigation. The reason they like those video games so much is that they are engineered to take advantage of kids’ natural inclinations.

You can do it, too. Make everything you do into a ridiculous game. Have to walk somewhere because you can’t take public transit? Invent a contest for the funniest walk. Stuck in a two-level condo with energetic kids? Invent a game that involves going up and down the stairs…a lot.

Treasure hunt

There is nothing kids like more than a treasure hunt. Not convinced? Try it. If you’re not stuck inside, do a treasure hunt in your neighborhood: make a list of things they need to find. If you don’t want them to touch anything, give them a device and have them take photos. Kids are like little seeking machines—once they get into it, they’ll wear you out before they’re done. (If you’re stuck inside, hide small items like marbles around the house and give the kids buckets!)

Counting

This was often a last-ditch resort of mine, trying to keep a high-energy kid focused so we could get things done or get somewhere we needed to go. Ask them to count. How many telephone poles are there on our street? How many squirrels can you see in the next ten minutes? (Set a timer—timers are great motivation for kids.) Let’s find all the prime numbers up to a hundred.

A change of paradigm

What I tell new homeschoolers is that their new educational path is not a change of schools, it’s a change of paradigm. Your entire life shifts when you are suddenly at home with people you used to send off to school.

We’re all stuck in this new paradigm, for a while at least. Rather than fighting it, I suggest you embrace it. As the mother of one kid in college and another about to leave, I will tell you that these years go fast.

You might even create some fun memories during this time of stress and uncertainty.

Need to teach online?

Posted on by Suki

Here are a few pointers from someone who does it every day

Yup, my kid really did attend a class at Athena’s while jumping on the trampoline!

I got a call this morning from a friend who suddenly needs to teach a hands-on class…remotely. How do you do that?

Lots of teachers are asking this question, so I’m going to offer a few simple pointers.

The technology is not too hard!

While you have been happily continuing in the brick and mortar world, online education has come a long way. There is so much easy technology you can access, much of it for free.

Don’t think that you can’t do it. Find someone to help you if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t listen to anyone who says you need to do something complicated. Use the simplest tools that you already have a feel for.

Be creative with technology

How could you use Facebook live streaming? Do you know how to share a Google Drive document? Did you know that anyone can upload videos to Youtube and share them only with a specific audience?

Don’t focus on what you don’t know. Focus on what you do know and how you can adapt it.

Remember that the real world matters

The worst online classes take away everything that is good about the real world. The best ones integrate the real world with the IRL world.

Think about what your students get from you in the classroom, and consider how you can continue to give that online.

So… Are you a teacher who uses your voice a lot to convey information? Make sure to make sound available to your students.

Do you provide your students with fun physical materials? You can still do that. Some schools are putting together packets that students can pick up. Just make sure that your parents know that you are wearing a mask when you create the packets!

Do you need to engage your students in real time? If your students are likely to all have access to streaming, live streaming allows you to share your face and gestures.

Do you give immediate feedback in the classroom? If your classes depend on back and forth communication, look into what sorts of texting programs might work—Messenger, WhatsApp, Hangouts… There are so many! Find out what’s easiest for your families.

Don’t disappear

Your students are used to being with you for a certain amount of time in the week. Even if they are not in the classroom, they should feel that you are just as available to them during this stressful time.

Consider this an opportunity to do some professional development

You may end up never using online educational tools again…but that’s unlikely. Once you develop these skills, you may end up integrating them into your teaching long term.

Teaching online is extremely rewarding in its own way. I don’t think that remote classes should ever replace in-person interaction, but in a time like this, these tools are there for your use. Good luck!

Finding our Best Selves

Posted on by Suki

I was ruminating on why so many people feel that parenting made them “better” people all around, and it occurred to me that parenting allows us to access our “best selves” in a way that is fully rewarding and not (usually) life-threatening.

By “best self” I mean that part of us that is fully engaged with being good and helpful without regard to any mitigating factors.

Our best selves sometimes lead us to do things that aren’t in our own self-interest.

It was a veteran’s best self that led him to enter a burning house, save some members of a family, and then perish trying to save more.

It was that best self that led Gandhi not to sit on a stagecoach floor, one of his first acts of nonviolent resistance.

When a New York secretary amassed a fortune, it was her best self that told her to live simply and leave the money for college scholarships.

We save our best selves…for good reason

This best self is one most of us don’t want to activate all the time: there are clearly situations where that self is willing to sacrifice everything when our logical brains will tell us not to.

Parenting gives us an easy way into accessing our best selves. More than any other people in the world, our children compel us to use our best selves even when it might hurt.

Why do we become parents?

My mother did research for her PhD on childbirth in medieval Europe. As a teenager, I had to wonder why women agreed to marry at all!

In Medieval Europe, most women had two choices: join the church as a nun, or become a wife and—hopefully—mother.

But marriage was hardly an appealing option. The consequences of marriage were often death: from childbearing, during childbirth, or death from childbirth-caused conditions like fistula. Wives were legally owned by their husbands, who were legally allowed to treat them as they saw fit.

Not an appealing future, and no wonder that many women, as my teenage self would have advised, went to the convent instead.

Because children are worth the trouble!

We access our best selves…except maybe sometimes when we’ve had enough!

Yet, here we are, the human race that has survived because so many women chose to make that sacrifice. Most modern women don’t enter a hospital fearing, as historical diaries confessed, that they are likely not to come home.

Parenting offers us a chance to access our best selves. It’s perhaps not a reason that most people consider when they decide to have children, but I believe it’s the reason why this difficult, often thankless task is one we repeat over and over.

Tabitha
Pets, too! Those big kitten eyes look at us, and we’ll do pretty much anything!

Making online interactions real

Posted on by Suki

Last summer, I had a really cool experience. Ready for it?

I talked to the people I work with every day.

Sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it? Actually, to most people I suppose it would sound unusual that I don’t talk to my coworkers, but that would be because you work IRL. Since my work is all online, it’s a rare treat for me to be able to spend time with my co-workers, people I text and email with almost every day.

It started with serendipity.

Dr. Kirsten Stein, the owner of Athena’s Advanced Academy, where I teach, has been friends with one of the other teachers for longer than Athena’s has existed. And she’s known another one of the teachers since birth (since that teacher is her daughter). When Prof. Becky announced a trip to California, we decided that we’d have our first in-person meeting with as many students and educators as we could muster.

A visit to the beach!

We met first to go tide-pooling, which was extra exciting since one of the teachers is a marine biology specialist. Since I live on the coast, I have been tide-pooling many times. But never with someone who could tell me about the reproductive habits of kelp.

Emma the Animal Lover explains the reproductive habits of kelp.

As soon as Emma the Animal-Lover started talking, I realized something cool was happening. I pulled out my cellphone and asked Emma and Becky to keep talking. We got lots of great video. (Forthcoming!)

Athena’s founder, educators, and students all in one place! What a treat!

A visit to the redwoods!

Then we decamped to my house for dinner. But first, we partook of the wonders of Nisene Marks State Park, which happens to be in my backyard. Professor Becky Riethmeier was out in front here, asking questions about the local flora and fauna. I pulled out as many of the names of plants as I could from the deep recesses of my mind. My kids and I made a homeschooling project of writing a book about the redwoods, but that was a good while ago.

The redwood canopy

It was very cool to walk in a forest I know so well with people who could ask such deep questions. From the crashing waves and wide-open space of the Monterey Bay to the filtered sunshine and dusty stillness of summertime redwoods is pretty much a day complete.

More friends and conversation!

But why stop there? Another Athena’s educator, Dr. Meg Wilson, lives nearby, and she arrived with her daughter and food for the potluck. We were complete!

Here’s where I get to the real theme here: I love our online school, and our online community. But there is nothing that cements it more than a real-life interaction with nature, food, and friendly conversation.

If your kids are learning online, make sure to try to connect that learning to their everyday lives. It’s not like we can always meet with friends who live thousands of miles away, but we can find ways to connect our online life to our real lives, and deepen the meaning of both.

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