Notes about Netiquette

I’ve searched high and low and in and out for a simple, straightforward page to share with my students. I didn’t find it, so here is my version!

Suki’s Guide to Netiquette for Kids

On this page you will find:

• Suki’s Netiquette Short-list
• Netiquette Explanations
• Further Resources

Suki’s Netiquette Short-list

1. Don’t say it online if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face
2. Think about how your words could be [mis]interpreted by someone who doesn’t know you
3. Don’t use loaded words such as swear words, bad names for groups of people, or any word you wouldn’t say to your parent
4. Don’t post anything that violates anyone else’s privacy
5. Don’t post anything that violates your own privacy (TMI)
6. Don’t post anything that could be taken as a threat or even a warning
7. Don’t lie, even in jest
8. You Posted It, You Own It

Netiquette Explanations

Why do we even need “netiquette”? Etiquette in the real world allows people who have different experiences and perspectives to communicate with each other respectfully. It sets out boundaries so that we can live alongside each other whether or not we like each other or share each other’s points of view.

Netiquette is exactly the same thing, and it’s doubly important in the online world, where people sometimes feel free to say things that they’d never say in person. If we’re going to share this online space, we have to agree on some rules so that we can “live” alongside each other whether or not we like each other or share each other’s points of view.

Here’s the long form of the list above. If any of the things on my list seemed dumb or confusing, please read these long explanations. Click on the recording link below to keep listening while reading.

1. Don’t say it online if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face
   It’s really fun to enjoy the freedom of anonymity that the Internet seems to give you, but remember: it’s not actually anonymous. Many a kid who thought they were “anonymous” have found their words, photos, and videos shared in ways that were hurtful to others or damaging to themselves. If you can’t imagine showing your post to a kid who isn’t your friend, your parent, a teacher, or your next-door neighbor, think twice about posting it.
2. Think about how your words could be [mis]interpreted by someone who doesn’t know you
   When you talk to someone, much of your meaning is conveyed by your face and the sound of your voice. Also, much of your meaning comes from the context that it was said in. Imagine joking with your friend, “You suck, Jason!” Say it in person with a big smile on your face after he just apologized for breaking your remote control, and it’s friendly bantering. But putting those words out of context on the Internet could be very hurtful.
3. Don’t use loaded words such as swear words, bad names for groups of people, or any word you wouldn’t say to your mom
   You’re going to see your friends doing a lot of this, but resist the temptation to join in. In the end, civil speech is what keeps us all together. And again, remember that once your words are divorced from you, the wonderful, complex person that you are, they represent all of you. If you write something that could be interpreted as a racist statement, it does no good to protest that you’re not racist. You wrote it; you own it.
4. Don’t post anything that violates anyone else’s privacy
   Say you’ve got a friend who’s very open about herself with her friends, and you figure it’s OK to refer to things she has told you in that private setting on social media. This is definitely not OK. Even if your friend is open about sharing details of her life, it’s not your job to share them further. And most people aren’t completely open about sharing their lives. They share what they are comfortable with, and you might not be aware of where their comfort line is. When in doubt, just don’t share it.
5. Don’t post anything that violates your own privacy (TMI)
   TMI=Too Much Information. Like many things in life, it can be hard to see the line between Just Enough and Too Much. But again, a good guide is to imagine yourself saying what you are about to post to: Your parent, your neighbor, an auditorium full of people. If any of those make you uncomfortable, don’t post. Also remember that information on the Internet persists, even if you think you’re sharing in a “safe” way. When you apply for college and jobs, people are going to look you up. Even if you’re now only 11, what you’re posting can persist. Will the future you want strangers to see this photo or this information? If not, don’t post it.
6. Don’t post anything that could be taken as a threat or even a warning
   Lots of kids have trouble understanding the difference between a request—”Hey, can you tell me if you like this shirt?”—and a threat—”Tell me if you like this shirt or I’m going to unfriend you!” When you are meaning to request something, make sure that your words reflect the friendliest tone you can imagine. Emojis can help! Don’t make statements that sound like “veiled threats,” where you don’t say what bad thing will happen but imply that something might. Threats, veiled or not, make other people feel uncomfortable with you, and could land you in a lot of trouble if your threat jumps from an Internet jest into the real world of school, friendship, or work.
7. Don’t lie, even in jest
   Telling lies about yourself or others can start you down a road you really won’t enjoy traveling. One small lie will require you to keep covering it, and it can get bigger and bigger and bigger. Pretty soon, you get consumed by creating lies to cover lies, and by the end either you are exhausted or the lie—and its following cover lies—gets exposed anyway. If you can’t post the truth about something, don’t post anything at all. Remember once you put it out there, it’s not yours to control anymore.
8. You Posted It, You Own It
   This is Suki’s Mantra for the Internet Age. Don’t think that you can put something out there and then just let it fly away. It won’t. It will hang around and dog you until you take ownership of it and try to fix things. By then, however, it’s possible that it will be too late. Damage will be done, and you will own the damage, too. If something you’re about to post will damage a friendship, hurt the future you, or cause consequences you can’t control, remember that You Own It. Do you want to own it? If not, don’t post it.

Further Resources

Nothing I’ve written here is new. Others have made some great videos and other resources to help kids navigate the online life. If you know of any, please leave them in the comments and I’ll add them here. Here are a few to get you started:

• Visit my follow-on post, “Questions to ask yourself before you post“
• I love Common Sense Media’s “Oversharing” poster—download the PDF
• Brainpop has a fun video for kids on Digital Etiquette—watch it here